habits pt 2

Well, I skipped a few days…I realized I was able to post pretty consistently these past two weeks because I would write my blog posts during class (and last weekend, I wrote them on the Shinkansen, so effectively the same thing as class). However, this was a long weekend, and I was pretty busy without enough alone time + access to computer. I’ll be perfectly honest, it wasn’t because I didn’t have time, though. I definitely could’ve squeezed something in each day. But something about the environment influences what I tend to do. When I’m at home with the most freedom, I find I either prefer to work or end up completely slacking off and browsing the internet. When I’m out and about, it somehow feels a bit too degenerate to just be browsing the internet in class or at a cafe, but there’s a bit too much going on to go into work hyperfocus-mode, so blog-writing is the perfect activity. (Yeah, I guess I could just pay attention in class, but that would just be too logical.)

I’ve been keeping up my exercise schedule ever since the triathlon camp last weekend. That one feels a bit more like, there are negative consequences to not keeping up the schedule (I won’t be able to achieve my fitness goals), so there is some pressure outside of just my own sheer willpower. I’m definitely a kind of person who benefits from more structure, so in general this entire year of the least structure I’ve ever had in my life has been very chaotic for me. I also clearly don’t understand moderation - like I haven’t ever proven I can do one thing consistently that didn’t have dire external consequences, so why do I think I can do two (blog + training) all of a sudden? I guess now that I’m living alone, it seems like I’ve just gotten all this time and ability to set my own schedule, but I wonder how sustainable this lifestyle really will be (especially given that my sleep schedule is still a complete train wreck).

My most recent life updates have been: the potential roommate that I found decided to rent a different apartment, which was honestly okay with me because I do appreciate my own space and am okay with paying a bit more for a limited period of time. That being said, I probably need to cancel my lease sooner rather than later so I don’t end up bleeding more money, but there’s this awkward situation where I have to pay a 1 month fee for breaking my lease before 1 full year, but December will be 10 months…so if I make it to January (11 months), I might as well just keep it until February to avoid the fee. Since I’m leaving language school at the end of the year anyways, and I’m not really having a great time, I’m also considering quitting. That will buy me a lot more time during the day (the 1-4 schedule is honestly so annoying because I can’t really do anything in the morning or evening), but will also give me perhaps too much schedule freedom that knowing myself, I may not end up using wisely. But the company I’ve been working for is setting up their office imminently, so it might be nice to finally live a normal employed life again and go into the office every day. I’m also thinking of going back to the US for a while over the holidays. The loneliness may or may not be getting to me… (it’s 100% getting to me.)

And last but not least, after ending my current lease, I’m strongly considering moving out of Tokyo. I’ll talk about this more in a future post.